just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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