Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
