Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
