She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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