rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
