I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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