You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
