I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
