I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
