she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
