Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
