Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
