I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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