You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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