I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
