You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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