im about as happy as oj after his trial
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
