shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
