I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
3 2 1 whiskey
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
