Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
