o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
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