This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
