He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
