so let's talk penis.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
