I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
