I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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