How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
