he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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