I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
