I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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