he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
