I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
