Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
