I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
