I just cut my nipple shaving
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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