somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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