First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
