I'm drive I can fine osifer
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
