i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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