i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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