got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
