i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
