What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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