living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
