Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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