I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
