I showed him my bush... on skype.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
