I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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