Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
