So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
